funny quotes for tumblr

I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. ~William H. Mauldin



To the great tree-loving fraternity we belong. We love trees with universal and unfeigned love, and all things that do grow under them or around them - the whole leaf and root tribe. ~Henry Ward Beecher



I have never resisted the lord in my life, and I never will. But I'm not so hungry for dialogue with him that I have to make up his part as well as my own. ~Orson Scott Card



Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill scoured by a whiff of arrogance. ~Alistair Cooke



You can fall in love at first sight with a place as with a person. ~Alec Waugh



The tears of the red, yellow, black, brown and white man are all the same. ~Martin H. Fischer



Spring is sooner recognized by plants than by men. ~Chinese Proverb



Although all cat games have their rules and rituals, these vary with the individual player. The cat, of course, never breaks a rule. If it does not follow precedent, that simply means it has created a new rule and it is up to you to learn it quickly if you want the game to continue. ~Sidney Denham



Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street. ~Elbert Hubbard



No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow. ~Lin Yutang



There is nothing better for a man, than that he should eat and drink, and that he should make his soul enjoy good in his labor. ~Ecclesiastes 2:24



Walking takes longer... than any other known form of locomotion except crawling. Thus it stretches time and prolongs life. Life is already too short to waste on speed. ~Edward Abbey, "Walking"



Yes, this is what good is: to forgive evil. There is no other good. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin



Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction. ~E.F. Schumacher



The autonomic nervous system is divided into the sympathetic system, which is often identified with the fight-or-flight response, and the parasympathetic, which is identified with what's been called the relaxation response. When you do yoga - the deep breathing, the stretching, the movements that release muscle tension, the relaxed focus on being present in your body - you initiate a process that turns the fight-or-flight system off and the relaxation response on. That has a dramatic effect on the body. The heartbeat slows, respiration decreases, blood pressure decreases. The body seizes this chance to turn on the healing mechanisms. ~Richard Faulds



I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him "father." ~Will Rogers



Work to ride and ride to work. ~Author Unknown



We're designed to be hunters and we're in a society of shopping. There's nothing to kill anymore, there's nothing to fight, nothing to overcome, nothing to explore. In that societal emasculation this everyman is created. ~David Fincher, director of Fight Club, interview with Gavin Smith, "Inside Out," Film Comment, Sep/Oct 1999 (Thank you, sexbratsrocknroll.) We're finally going to get the bill for the Industrial Age. If the projections are right, it's going to be a big one: the ecological collapse of the planet. ~Jeremy Rifkin, World Press Review, 30 December 1989



Art gallery? Who needs it? Look up at the swirling silver-lined clouds in the magnificent blue sky or at the silently blazing stars at midnight. How could indoor art be any more masterfully created than God's museum of nature? ~Grey Livingston



A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely. ~Pam Brown